Sunday, June 15, 2014

limits.

Dear Self,
We need a word.
I tell myself that I know my limits, but I seem to be forever pushing them, then regretting it and feeling ashamed of myself.
Let's make some notes, shall we.

* I know that I need at LEAST 8 hours sleep every night. I can't function otherwise. I feel nauseous. I can't concentrate. I get emotional, irrationally so. I pick fights. The worst: I get migraines and lose whole days.
* I need to go for walks, preferably amongst some trees, to clear my head.
* I need to do yoga every week, to stop my neck seizing up.
* I need to eat a decent lunch and not snack as much (especially not in the morning).
* I need to take a day off every week.

I make excuses for being a workaholic, saying that 'it's for the business'. But that isn't true - it's for ME, some way of validating my existence as an artist. I often break all of my 'rules' because I think I can get away with it - I'm 25, supposedly young and resilient. But I exhaust myself. I take it out on the lovely people around me. It makes me horrible company.

5 months ago I met a man who could possibly be the love of my life. My work patterns were transformed within a week. Later mornings, earlier afternoons, Sundays OFF. It was so alien to me. But it's GOOD and feels right. Previous relationships have suffered from the commitment to my work and somewhat coldly, I never minded much. I shrugged it off, thinking that I'm better alone.

This time however, I don't want to neglect my loved one in favour of my career. I need to navigate a way to balance both.

1 comment:

  1. oh and what a tricky thing - getting the balance right but very worth the effort.. so difficult for young women such as yourself wanting to be professional business women but still have a LIFE! Sounds like you are getting there :)

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